It pains me to admit it, but...

People use phrases all the time without thinking about their meaning. I like to demolish this automatic acceptance of such phrases and examine them - and what's really being said or not said.

Take this phrase: "It pains me to admit it, but..."

What is the literal meaning? A statement causes pain to the speaker when they concede that it is true. To admit something is to hold one opinion or position, then to move or shift to allow for a different one. Why should admitting something be painful?

What is this phrase often followed by? "It pains me to admit it, but you're right."

Usually people stop there. What else is unspoken?

"It pains me to admit it, but you're right and I'm wrong."

That's what people have so much trouble with: being wrong. This is something I can't relate to. Oh, not because I'm never wrong; I'm often wrong. I differ from most people because I also admit it when I am wrong. And then I act really crazy because I adopt the truth, system, or value I was corrected on for future use!

Crazy, I know, and incredibly immature. Why immature, you may ask?

Think about small children. They do things, experiment and explore, with little regard to consequences. They find what works and what does not. Fire burns. Dogs bark and bite. Bees sting. They learn cause and effect, and they (usually) change their behavior because of it. Children are constantly growing and changing, adopting new likes, dislikes, behaviors, and ideas. We call it the maturation process.

The only problem is, it seems like many of us stop this process at some stage of our adult lives. We stop maturing; we stop changing and adapting as we find new truths and better ways. If this is adult, mature behavior, then please, label me immature!

Which brings us back to the problem phrase. When someone prefaces a statement with "It pains me to admit it, but..." this is both something to applaud and something to mourn. It is good, in that they can admit that they are wrong and that they can change their belief or behavior to a better way. They can become a better person.

It is something to mourn, however, because being an adult, being mature, growing as a person, etc., all of this growth process which people laud and pay lip service to, this wonderful thing -

- pains them. Hurts them. Whether from shame at being wrong in the first place, or not thinking it through, or at discovering that their facts or education were imperfect, the source of their pain is only peripherally relevant. What is sad is that the betterment of their mind, values, ideals, and identity, which is arguably why we are on this planet to begin with, is something that causes them pain.

My way of thinking is much simpler. Don't mourn that you were wrong, but instead cherish that you are now right.